Laughter is the Best medicine -
according to the Reader's Digest!
Mike, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy
widower and alumni, shows up at the RPI Reunion with a
breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old
blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
sex appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Mike's arm and
listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the
reunion are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they
corner him and ask,
how did you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Mike replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They're amazed, but continue to ask. 'So, how did
you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Mike replies.
'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Mike smiles and says, 'No, I told her I'm 90'.
Young Chuck moved to Texas and
bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry Chuck,
but I have some bad news. The donkey died.'"
Chuck replied, "Well then, just give me my money
The farmer said," 'Can't do that. I went and spent it
Chuck said, "OK, then, just bring me the dead
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell
anybody he's dead."
month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked,
"What happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at
two dollars apiece and made a profit
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his
two dollars back."
Chuck now works for Morgan Stanley.
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to
her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are
designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine:
'Pencil,' however, is masculine:
A student asked, 'What gender is
Instead of giving the answer, the
teacher split the class into two groups, male and
female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its
The men's group
decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator
understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to
communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to
3. Even the smallest mistakes are
stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment
to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on
accessories for it.
group, however, concluded that computers should
be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with
them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but
still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you
solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one,
you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you
could have gotten a better model
The women won.
One day Paddy O'Brien, who had been
stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a
speck on the horizon.
As the speck got closer
closer it became a figure clad in a black wet suit
striding from the surf . Putting aside the scuba tanks
and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood
a drop-dead gorgeous redhead!
up to the stunned Irishman and asked: "Tell me, how long
has it been since you've had a good cigar?" "Ten years,"
replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over
and unzipped a waterproof pocket and pulled out a
fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took the
cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and
begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd
almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
how long has it been since you've had a drop of good
Irish Whiskey?" asked the redhead . Trembling, the
castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that, she reached
over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket and handed
him a flask. He opened it and took a long drink. " 'Tis
nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly
At this point the gorgeous redhead
started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit,
right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man
and asked, "And how long has it been since you played
tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and
sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that
you've got golf clubs in there too!"
Two women were playing golf. One teed off
and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward
a foursome of men playing the next hole where it hit one
of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded
to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and
immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to
help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be
fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in
obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he
finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands
away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and
put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful
massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does
He replied: It feels great, but I
still think my thumb's broken!
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. 'So, how's your
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having
Social Security sex.'
'Social Security sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little
each month, but not enough to live on!'
Wisdom of a Retiree
I've often been asked, "What do you old folks
do now that you're retired?"
Well..I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have
chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things
we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and
margaritas into urine.
And we're pretty damn good at it!